My Own Option

optionsThis is good: I like this one! It’s all options. Not choices: choices still feel like work. Also: I should not be allowed to make decisions BECAUSE then I end up with a purple kitchen instead of a soothing grey kitchen because it turns out my eyes are bad enough I can not tell the difference. Yes….please, lets all recall that time a few years ago I ended up with a purple bedroom the same way…pretty sure it’s still purple. Haha .

It is amazing to me how changing one word around can make such a difference to my mindset. Changing the way I look at situations and switching my thoughts from a negative connotation or feeling to something that feels more positive and comfortable certainly has allowed me to proceed with much more confidence and passivity.  I’m simply amazed at how elastic my brain actually is: how open I am to accepting the micro adjustments responsible for these changes. I’m actually fundamentally proud of myself for allowing myself permission to let things like this happen. Again, it was a simple adjustment of how I perceive myself and situations.  I get stuck sometimes, I know I do. When I get stuck I am stuck and I am low (and unbearable to others)…I know this. I try to not get stuck: I am not perfect, then again no one is. I am accountable though: the only person responsible for my poor outlook on those days is me. In this life, if I choose an option that leads me down a path I no longer want to, or can no longer follow: this too is my responsibility to correct. I am capable of doing this; it just may take some effort. I choose how I react to situations and to the reactions of other people: I am responsible for ensuring that my reactions, the options I choose to deal with “that”, are something that best represent my integral me. I firmly believe that my reactions help to define my integrity; the situations I sometimes face simply do not. Situations are temporary, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. The way I deal with “them”, react to them and learn from them are the pieces I will carry with me, so I need to ensure I make those pieces count. These options that I choose are also the parts of me most capable of affecting and influencing others. Integrity is important to me. The way I make others feel is important; again, I am accountable for the way I affect others. I recognize that there is always more than one way to react to something, more than one way to get my point across: if a point needs to be made. Sometimes responding  hastily and choosing anger and fear and frustration is easy: however, what is the easy option is not always the most logical (I am half Vulcan…I swear). Things that take some effort and calmness and solicitousness are usually, in my very humble opinion of myself and my own life and my own path, the best option. I realize my choosing the options to be kind and forgiving and empathetic and just selfish enough to take care of my own needs first; opens me up to being vulnerable, to being drained by the needs of others, to seem as though I am nothing but selfish when I do act for myself: These are my options. These are my choices. This is me….and I am not sorry (except when I am…then I am so so sooooo sorry. Like really sorry. I’m sorry.)

I will not put macaroni and cheese on my baked potato: too many carbs all at once!!  However if I choose the option of ordering frigging Chicken Fingers in Cuba: then I will!!!



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