Facebook has ever done for me…
So I, like most others, fired up the Book of Face yesterday to be inundated by posts entitled “Here’s my Facebook Film” celebrating Facebooks 10 year anniversary (although it’s only been 10 years since Mark and his Funky bunch released it for use for University students, the rest of us peasants did get our first hit of the Facebook drug until later but whatever…). I admit..I caved. I pushed the little button that said “See your’s NOW!” So I did. It was cute. Lots of sweet pictures and posts I didn’t recall posting and some I did. I may have smiled a bit. I cringed once or twice at some memories I didn’t need reminded of (note: I swear I deleted all those pictures of that frigging clown! Jesus!). None the less, I watched it. But I didn’t hit the “Share” button. Not for any reason other than it really wasn’t all that spectacular. I mean sure! my witty, clever and intelligent status updates SHOULD be immortalized because, lets be honest here people… some of that shit is GOLD!! But truthfully, most of the pictures Facebook “chose”? the best of them are hung around my house already or are in photo albums or stuck to the fridge. The rest….well they are Facebook worthy shots that can just stay hidden in the Facebook archive of Robyn’s wall circa 2008! Hey…What was the deal with taking pictures of our drinks people?? I am pretty sure we all know what a beer looks like!?!? anyway…moving on!
What did happen that was actually a good thing from Facebook for the first time EVER wasn’t a Facebook post at all…but a challenge from two of my local radio hosts: Go back and look at your first status updates. Simple. So I did (Again..GOLD people!) I even read on a bit and read a few posts on my wall from some friends and that was when I found the post and memories attached to it that Facebook had immortalized for me. A memory that Facebook kept safe and sound for me that I actually forgot about. Okay..so back ground info time: Turns out I really started using Facebook around the time past me got her preverbal poop together and booked it out of “That Awful Relationship”
(duh duh duhhhhh) Lets just call it that mmk? Lets just say it was a bad time and I was a MESS. A hot goddamn MESS of tears and hurt and super S-A-D and looking back now: wasted energy over NOTHING!. Anyway; so I am peaking at these posts and I see one from a very dear friend simply hoping I am doing well. Nice right? Well the significance of this post is that this dear friend was taken from us almost 6 years ago to this day. This dear, sweet lovely person. She was kind and caring and sweet and funny and her hugs? Man oh man. BEST. HUGS. EVER. She was the type of lady who could make you feel better just by giving your hand a little squeeze. When we lost her? the world stopped for us all. No one knew why. I still don’t know why. I still stop and think of her …usually I am in a store looking at a fabulous purse or some blingy crafty goodness at Michael’s…I still think of her. We all still think of her. We all still miss her.
The post she left me that day? I remember reading it. I remember how SAD I was that day. How low I was feeling. I remember feeling so close to the point of accepting my life was going to be SAD forever that I should just buy some cats and become a hermit. I was not okay: in fact I was far from it. I remember reading that and realizing I did not want her to know that I was still sad. I didn’t want her to worry: because she would. I didn’t want her to know that I let someone; some lowly sad excuse for a human being, make ME feel that way for such a long time, because that would make her sad. But I didn’t want to lie. So i decided right then and there that I wasn’t going to feel like that. I was going to stop being sad and get FUCKING ANGRY!! and get the hell on with my life. So I started to do just that. Sure it took me awhile…but I did it. I forgot about that. I hate that I forgot that. So, thank you Facebook for keeping that one safe for me. I am forever grateful for that.
So to Gloria: I just want you to know that my heart has finally fully healed. I am happy and loved and cared for. I went back to school like I told you I wanted to. I am a nurse now! I work in a lovely home with the coolest funniest ridiculous residents! I have an amazing “future husband” (we’ll see when that happens but when it does I promise it will be FABULOUS!!!”). My kids are growing and are so smart and perfect! WE have a beautiful home filled with love and laughter and glitter…so so much glitter! My family is wonderful and healthy. I have found my happiness and my place on this earth and I can’t help but wonder if maybe you teamed up with some of my other peeps up there and maybe had a little something to do with that?? I hope you are happy Glo-Bee. I am. I promise.