Just a bad day. Or week…ok…month. Its been a bad month. I won’t/can’t go into specifics just trust me…it’s been suckish. Being the uber-awesome depressed person that I am, I have been struggling to keep my head above the water in this tide pool of emotions. I am trying my hardest to stay positive but I am not doing so well with that. The only thing I am positive about right now is the fact that I am driving my poor sweet Jay NUTS with my “woe is me… my life is HARD… and this always only happens to ME and what did I do wrong to deserve this!!!11!1!! blah blah blah..”. True. Friggen. Story. (I really am sorry sir…I didn’t know I was such a perfect Disney princess until now!) So I should probably move on past that stage of this fun ride and on to the next. I should probably listen to him (pfft…ya right!!!) and look for the bright side of all of this crap and use this as a strengthening point and learn from it all.
So that’s exactly what I am going to do. Well, I am sure as hell going to try. SOUL SEARCHING A’HOY!!! Without really even trying very hard I know things aren’t as bad as I am making them out to be. Truly, all of this crap will go away. That much I know. Right now it truly is just finding the inner strength I need to get through the next little while. Aside from inner strength (be aggressive Robyn; BE-E-AGGRESSIVE) and staying positive (you can do this Robyn…you really, truly can!! Jesus…I need me a cheerleader!!) I need to learn to take my own advise. The advise I give to my kids when they worry about what so-and-so will think if they the wear X or read Y or listen to Z music (zed Jay…it’s pronounced zed!! :))…who really gives a flying crap what others think!! I really am trying hard to just accept that my version of perfect is all that matters and that no matter what is going on right now…this life IS my version of perfect. I have all I could ever want in life (except smaller pants size…bigger boobs…y’all know how it is!).
Don’t get me wrong here…at any given time certainly things could be “easier” for sure. I could have no mortgage and be quite happy. I wouldn’t say no to the absence of a student loan or a new car in the driveway for free. But really, what would that do for me? If I didn’t have to go through these “struggles” would I really appreciate this perfection that I have? Would it, in that sense, even BE perfection then? Do I appreciate what I have because I have to work for it? Well shit. I think I just done gone and epiphanied myself into realizing my struggles aren’t struggles at all. I am all about believing that in this life we aren’t handed anything to deal with that we can’t handle. Ya…trust me; at times I too think that whomever is doing the dishing out has a really fucked up sense of humour. But if you sit back and actually think about it…everything that has happened to you and to me in this life, we have handled in one way or another. If you are sitting here breathing and reading this: there is your proof. You survived. I survived. I am…surviving. Without even trying very hard at all I am surviving this. I am going to get through this like I always do and come out on the other side stronger than I was before.