Need vs Want

I. Am. Lucky. Truly!! I feel sometimes like I am the luckiest person in the entire world!! You want to feel humbled? Stop for a second and put your own life…the way it is right now – not how you want it to be- into perspective. Think about al the great things you have, your GOOD health, your family, your friends, your job that you love, the gifts you were born with and the ones you picked up on your own just because. Go ahead….talk it out. I’ll wait…..done? AWESOME eh? Even when you think OMG!!!!11!!!1!1! My life SUCKS! It actually doesn’t. When all you can think about are the bad parts, there are always good parts. You know that saying “Someone always has it worse than you”? I always hear that and think Jesus! it so SUCKS to be “that” person if they have it worse than me!! But I got thinking; and I’ll bet that to “that” person, someone probably does have it worse. I bet to some people, I am “worse off” than they are. But to me, my life is great because I have everything I need- again, not everything I want- but everything I NEED. I think thats the key. Knowing the difference between what you NEED and what you WANT. Example: I NEED to be surrounded by my amazing family and know that I am loved and cared for and appreciated. I WANT to have all that in a big house on a lake with bucket loads of money. I have what I need and I am happy: I don’t have what I want…but I am still happy! get it? No??? Ok…. Example: I NEED my children to know to that they have a family that love them unconditionally and will guide and support their dreams and wishes and stand by their side while they attempt to figure out their place in this life. I WANT to do that in my house by the lake with a good tan and flawless skin and perfect hair…and a manicure. I have what I NEED…not so much what I want. My Dad told me once during one of those “woe is me my life is AWFUL” moments, that God only gives you in life the things you can handle and it’s up to you to figure out how…which sort of fits with what I tell my kids, that we are given what we need to survive this frigged up world and it’s up to us to figure out how to use them to do the best we can.

In the last few years I have been dealt what I would describe as a pretty crappy hand of cards. Life has not been easy…in fact, at times, it’s been down right shitacular. But I survived. I came out of that…well, whatever it was, breathing, walking, talking and smiling. Sure! the baggage from those times is still here at my side: across town (and soccer field every Thursday night), on the end of an email, far too often in the back of my mind and sometimes shows up as people who weren’t even involved in the crap but seem to think they have the right to an opinion. As much as I want to believe that life would be easier or better without the crap and be hopeful that someday this crap will just disappear…it won’t and it wouldn’t. I have learned that only the things and people that I want to affect me can. Other peoples opinions of me don’t matter if I don’t let them. I spent far too long worrying about the opinion of people who really don’t have the right to one based on the way they choose to live their life compared to mine. Please don’t think I am being hypocritical here, because I am certainly not. This is a case of apples to oranges. How can someone who doesn’t understand the value of family have an opinion of the choices I make; when my entire reason for existing is the love of my family? Truly! I still occasionally struggle with my need to empathize with people who lack the ability to understand the simple concept of:  judge not lest ye be judged. I actually used to make excuses for “their” poor behaviour in that regard, as one would for a badly behaved child who’s Mother didn’t hug them enough or an ugly smelly dog that no one bothered to care for. I used to do my best to sugar coat reality and even sacrifice what I NEEDed in order to allow them to have what they WANTed. It’s taken me a long long time to move from feeling that empathy to feeling sympathy instead. And believe you me my friends!! THAT is an empowering thing. To be able to say I understand how you feel and this is want you WANT and I am sorry you have to feel that way, but this is what I (Ryleigh, Lucas or we) NEED (basically, I don’t give a rats ass about you or your needs and wants, I only care about us now idiot! Go sit on a cactus!).

Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own. ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

 

I truly am lucky. I AM loved, cared for, respected and both NEEDed and WANTed by the most amazing person on this world. The best part of us is NOT that he came along and fixed my life in a knight and shining armour sort of way…because he absolutely did not! It’s that he did in a “What are you an idiot??? Look how awesome and amazing your life is already!! You are smart and you are pretty and your kids are funny as fuck! And you have a great career and cool ass friends and your family kicks everyone else’s family’s asses!! What are you complaining about?? JESUS!!!…now hold this kitty because she loves you too!!!” sorta way. Which is what I needed all along! I love you Jay…through thick and thin and home remodels and single serve yogurt containers with yowling cats and across thousands of kilometres for obscene amounts of time…I just love you. I love you because you yell at me and fight back the right way. I love you because you don’t yell at me and fight back when you probably should.I love the way you can enjoy the magic of silence. I love you for being able to have the most wonderful conversations about everything and absolutely nothing and for being able to derail a good chat as fast as I can! xoxo  :))

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