When Life Hands You Lemons…

Squirt them in the eyes of all the assholes. Seriously. Be all “HEY!! You!! Asshole!! Look at this!!’ and then…SQUIRT!! It will cause pain but no permanent damage. I think. Or maybe I don’t care. Thats it. I don’t care. Retina damage for all the assholes!

Honestly I am trying to stay positive right now but it is really tough. See, some shit has gone down that I am not happy about, but I know in the long run it’s the best for my little squishy and that is all that truly matters.(<— good Mom thought right there!)  I think my problem is that I just don’t deal well with change. Especially when the change is out of my control. Especially when I feel like I have been blindsided. Super especially when I feel like I am also getting head fucked at the same time.

I have spent the last 5 years VERY in control of my life. Every decision that has been made about my life and my kids lives has been made by me, and therefor any fallout of said decisions would been mine alone  to deal with. So I have been very very careful about every choice I have made. Obsessively careful to the point of paranoia at times. But because of this I am always prepared for what MIGHT happen. In fact I am so prepared at times I am almost clairvoyant in the way that I can predict the outcome of my decisions. This is  a true fact EXCEPT in situations when I get all sad and stressed out  and confused before making a decision; because then I have this tendency to make bad choices. Which is why, right now I have NO idea whether I made a good choice or a bad choice or if I just need to go buy a bag of lemons and starting hurling them at all the people who are making me have all these ridiculous thoughts right now because of choices made years ago that are still driving me insane because I didn’t have a say in them.

OR…maybe it’s more like I am all sad and lonely and depressed because in situations like this one I start to wonder if it really is all my fault. Maybe I am too controlling. Maybe I wasn’t nice enough. Maybe I should have tried harder. Maybe when someone asked me for the moon and the stars on top of everything I already gave I should have done whatever it took to do it. Because then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t be here right now. Sad and lonely and depressed about decisions that wouldn’t ever have to be made about a situation that would never exist. Sometimes I have to realize that I am my own worst enemy. Talk about making your bed and having to lie in it. I guess I should go ahead and squirt those lemons in my own eyes. Super Asshole

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